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Re: Help, need advice on redesigned website
Posted By: Dale In Response To: Re: Help, need advice on redesigned website (BSM)
Date: Tuesday, 19 September 2006, at 2:30 a.m.
Hi BSM,
first, thank you for your most honest opinion. I really needed that! I can see that I have a lot to learn about IM. Every single word you wrote will be taken very seriously. I've already begin reading it again and again. I can see what you mean. It's not about me at all. I didn't want it to come across that way but after taken another look at my copy, that's exactly what I did.
I'll go to work on both pages and listen to every line of feedback you gave. I mean, this is really good stuff! Really good stuff! And as for the song, I'll be improving the vocal quality. (Yes Jimmy was right-on about the vocals) Also, I am working on a new song with a faster groove. Almost done with the music the track.
Well, what can I say? I've got to get to work on those page and songs.
Again BSM, I really want to thank you for taking the time to give me the feedback! I'll not only use it for this project, but for other ones as well. I'll repost again after I've did my corrections.
Have a wonderful week!
Highest of regards,
dale : )
> Hi Dale,
> Glad to see you are keeping an open mind about your website critiques.
> It's hard NOT to get emotional when someone comments on all of your hard
> personal work ;-)> With that said there is a lot that needs to be improved on your website. I
> may not be able to list them all but I'll try to hit the major topics.> Before I start let me guess that you are a songwriter trying to break into
> Internet Marketing? You are trying to use your talents to make a profit in
> someway? If so, let me tell you that you're in for a long hard ride. IM is
> NOT easy and while you may have some small success with a few affiliate
> sales here and there you will not make it unless you are willing to learn
> all the basics of IM and continue to test and learn.> Do you have a plan of action for your business idea/website?
> Have you researched your market? Is this something they need or want?
> Are other people offering the same service or idea? How popular is your
> idea?> How many people are actively looking for your product idea?
> How will you find your customers? How will you drive traffic to your page?
> What do you want your customers to do once they get to your website?
> How will you monetize your song idea?
> How and why will you follow up with your customers?
> What is your backend sales plan?
> Is your song idea leading into something bigger and better?
> Will you offer streaming, downloads only or a physical delivery?
> What formats will you offer?
> Etc, Etc, Etc...
> Let's talk about your landing page -
> Nice general design. It's about the same as all the others out there. Your
> "padding" is way off meaning there is very little white space
> bewteen the text and black edge of your website frame. You need lots of
> "white space" on your page. This makes it easy for the visitor
> to read your web copy. Use more bullets to get your point across. Design,
> useability, formatting, sales copy, etc all go a long way towards a
> successful website. And these are the many areas you are lacking in. (but
> can also be easily corrected)> Let's talk about the basics of SALES. There are many definitions but in
> your context we are talking about you convincing others that you have
> something (inspiring songs) that they need or want. It has to benefit them
> somehow. Enough so that they will sign up for your newsletter and whatever
> elese you want them to do.> So does your landing page accomplish this? I don't think it comes close
> enough to where it needs to be. It's too general in nature and doesn't
> speak directly to me about why I need your songs and how I can benefit
> from them. You have lots of fluff but no real meat to your sales copy. In
> general, you need to completely rewrite your sales copy. You have some
> good points that you can keep but you need to do a much better job of
> writing about your offer.> I'm not going to go into all the finer details about your copy but will
> hit some key points that need correcting.> Your landing page title has these keywords - business, motivation, songs,
> key. Are these the right keywords that people are searching for when
> looking for products like yours? How many searches are done per month? How
> many competing websites are you going against? What types of motivational
> songs are people looking for?> Your headline title mentions "incredible new song". Without even
> reading any further this title makes it sound like a one time solution. I
> would change that to "Music". Get rid of Times New Roman font
> (that's for print - not the web). Try using Tahoma instead.> Your Subhead - Why is "A" capitalized but the rest is lower
> case?> Get rid of "Dear Work From Home Friend". It's cliche and sounds
> like a salesy pitch coming.> Overall the spelling, grammar, and layout need to be fixed.
> Let's move on to your main page -
> Most of the previous landing page comments apply to this page as well.
> What is the main function of this page? Is this where I learn about you?
> Is this where I will get my songs and newslettters from? Is this where the
> customer is suppose to click on your affiliate links? The whole page is
> unfocused and when people are confused they leave the page.> What does "The Business Inspirer" mean? How does this term
> relate to your customers? You want to connect with people on a personal
> level... the people "behind" the business. So change your title
> to reflect that.> Again your subtitle talks about you. Your business is not about you but
> your customers... so talk about the benefits directly to them. Why does
> your subtitle have "home based" repeated twice?> Use something like "Learn how motivational music can increase your
> [energy levels, efficiency, concentration, "whatever term you want
> here"] by 79% and get more done today! Or maybe a title like
> "Let my motivational music help you concentrate more effectively so
> that you become a tightly focused laser beam of productivity"
> Something along those lines. Good copywriting will make the difference
> between a successful website and one that never gets off the ground.> I am NOT a musician so I may be completely off base here... Your example
> inspirational song is too slow to be motivational in nature. The lyrics
> may be good but the delivery format is off. When I first heard it I
> thought I was listenign to a relaxation song. Something to calm me... If I
> want to be motivated, I want a song that has fast paced action, a groovy
> beat/catch phrase, and something will want to make me jump out of my chair
> with energy.> I also agree with the other poster about your voice being buried in the
> reverb and echo. I had a hard time "hearing" your voice.> So to wrap it up - you have made a great effort and I'm sure you will have
> some success with it. If you really want it to be a huge success... you
> will need to redo your web pages with better copywriting, formatting,
> layout, design, and useability. Marketing is not an easy skill to master
> bUt can well be worth the time invested. You want everything from your
> website to your demo songs to be professional because you only have ONE
> chance to make a great first impression! I hope I have I sparked some
> ideas to help you become successful with your business plans...> BSM
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